Gay-Acting Is So Masculine

This post submitted by Jeremy, who also feels that fashion should matter to you.

It’s true – for all the demands for a butch partner by gay guys, somehow a bit of fruitiness reveals a truly masculine persona.

Many people misunderstand masculinity as being an amalgam of superficial attributes – a deep voice, a cocky swagger, an interest in athletics. Masculinity, however, is a more abstract and principled concept, one that, ironically, is often invoked by feminine mannerisms.

A lack of self-consciousness is a basic tenet of an attractive masculinity. A man who makes no apologies for his presentation wields an enviable appeal. Whether that presentation consists of sibilant S’s and a “theatrical” style is inconsequential. An affected reservation however exudes constant self-doubt. Sure, a sense of propriety and respect for proper decorum in certain settings is necessary, but a demeanor that reveals an excessive level of questioning oneself in service of butch appeal is not manly.

A bit of daring is also associated with maleness, and what’s more daring than dabbling in femininity? All men know that effeminacy has harsh social sanctions against it – so the guy who can get away with exhibiting the right amount wins some man points. I had a pretty masculine straight co-worker who would had long hair and would sometimes come to work with his hair done in two French braids crowning his head like a princess. The incongruity between the do and his persona, mixed with the fact that he was bold enough to wear it, increased his appeal. Keep in mind that the style only teetered on border of what’s acceptable for a guy – if it were so outrageous that it seemed he was begging for attention then all appeal would have been lost (in fact my complimenting him on his “princess’s crown” gave him second thoughts about it). I have another straight friend who openly makes it a point to portray a macho image, to the extent that he refuses to smile for pictures. Yet somehow that image is solidified by the fact that he sports an extremely long, flouncy ponytail when he doesn’t have it up in a bun. A whirlwind shredding of gender expectations is sexually exciting, too. A fussy, fey top is a weakness of mine. While butch tops are the boring expectation, there’s nothing like lying on your back and seeing a persnickety, nasal-voiced tight-ass holding your legs in the air and pounding away at you.

But the most important attribute of masculinity is an air of security. Security in one’s manhood – in the knowledge that you exhibit the substantial qualities that define you as a “man” in society. A security that an affected machismo completely belies. A macho affectation is borne by those who feel powerless in more influential areas of society. Foppishness, on the other hand, is a luxury of the more comfortable classes. Take the example of a typical tough guy from a rough neighborhood. His sex appeal is easily understood. He has all of the superficial attributes of a manly man - a muscular build, a short haircut, a perpetual mug. He looks like he can protect himself and others from the physical dangers he’s likely to encounter in his surroundings, and that look works to intimidate potential enemies. But any crack in his soldier image, like say a polka-dot bow worn in his hair, would invite dangerous people to test his ability to defend himself. That’s exactly why said polka-dot bow would be the best testament to his self-security, and thus masculinity. It signals to everyone that he’s tough enough to take on the multitude of people who would take issue with him wearing it. In other words, it’s a simple manifestation of the handicap principle – a sexual strategy where animals demonstrate their physical fitness through behavior that intentionally handicaps them. The affable guy with the hair bow in the middle of the ghetto ends up being sexier than the guy who has to mug all the time and wear bland, monochrome clothing. This extends, naturally, to broader society, where the faggy guy demonstrates both an inner-peace and a secure societal position through behavior that holds the danger of turning off strangers.

So while we all may feel the pressure to “butch up” from the community, think twice about attempting to reign in all your feminine traits. You may end up extinguishing an ample source of your appeal.