L is for Loner

Meet my new costar.

So I’m probably the last dyke on the Planet (yes, the one run by Kit and maligned by Dawn Denbo) to hear that Ilene Chaiken is pitching an L Word spin-off that’ll pick up where the Season 6 finale leaves off, and follow the life of one of the main characters. The proposed series might not be picked up by Showtime, which means it’d most likely end up as an online-only broadcast. I’m pulling for the show to (like homo-rific Project Runway) get picked up by Lifetime, paving the way for some serious Nancy McKeon and Meredith Baxter-Birney cameos.

An upcoming Elizabeth Berkley (!) story-arc in final Season 6 has many speculating that Jennifer Beals a.k.a. Bette Porter will be the one to carry the L torch. Berkley shows up as Bette’s old college friend; I’m seriously hoping this leads to some sort of Flashdance vs. Showgirls exotic dance-off.

J. Beals was one of L Word's more seasoned (and arguably, better) actresses, she had the best panic-stricken face, ate a lion’s share of the plot’s shit sandwiches with aplomb, and put the D back in Dolce & Gabana power suits. But as much as I loved her character, I tend to think J. Beals is too classy to stay L-bound as an actress.

To me, all signs point to Shane as the spin-off’s likely focal point. Even though villains like Denbo or spazzes like Alice definitely kept the series fun, it’s fairly obvious that most people came for the choreographed finger-banging, to which Shane was a Baryshnikov of sorts. Unless Remorse becomes more than a lesbo cult fave, I imagine Kate Moennig will be available to get laced into some leatherette ensemble and make out with whatever Girls Gone Wild extras they’ve got on deck for the new series.

Personally, I’d love to see some sort of Desperate HouseDykes rip-off where the ghost of Dana Fairbanks narrates the lives of the more ne’er-do-well cast members. Or a series where real-life Leisha Hailey sits around with her designer girlfriend and talks about t-shirts, home gardening, and why everyone should move to Marfa, Texas.

Honestly, who knows what we can expect from Ilene Chaiken, the person who brought Betty to the small screen, and who takes the term self-promo-homo to new heights. Maybe we’ll wind up with “Papi’s Taxi Cab Confessions”? “The T Stands for Tokenism” starring Max? Or a Dexter-esque “Cannibal Schecter” featuring Jenny?

Who’s your vote for spin-off headmistress? Can we get a dyke version of Mrs. Garrett? Or are you already tired at the prospect of more L-ish programming?