Why Fashion Should Matter to You

This post was submitted by Jeremy, a Washington DC native who returned eight years ago for college, and apparently hasn't left again.

We’re serious people, here in the District. We’re about politics, finance, technology, education, public service – doing important work and justifying our positions in the greatest society in the world. We don’t have the minds for something as frivolous and superficial as the colored bits of fabrics that we’re legally required to adorn ourselves with. That’s the realm of self-absorbed man-children – the “old gays” who mistake manhood for peacockhood and engage in gaudy ornamentation for the purpose of screaming “Me! Me! Look at ME!”

That’s what we tell ourselves to get away with ignoring fashion in this town.

But fashion isn’t about selfishness. Quite the opposite, in fact. It’s easy to gain satisfaction from ignoring fashion - you save money, mental energy, and apprehension from the fear of being judged for a bad choice. You also get that smug feeling of being “above” something so material. But making an effort to put yourself into a thoughtful outfit at least once a day shows true consideration. It’s the exact same principal behind keeping your lawn kempt, refraining from littering, and combing your hair. It’s an exercise of your responsibility to the aesthetics of the local environment. And shucking that responsibility is an offense to everyone around you.

Your duty includes more than the bare minimum. Yes, your ensemble of a heather gray t-shirt with dark khaki cargo shorts and flip-flops won’t appall anyone (except for those who have a hang-up about flip-flops), but doesn’t say much about your level of commitment either. It’s the “This is just how much I give a shit” foil to the “I’m fully vested in being a part of the community” an inspired outfit conveys. A well-dressed man essentially says to everyone who sees him, “I care about what you think of me, and by extension I care about you”. Imagine the strength of a society where everyone is sharing that message with each other.

On the other hand, a cardinal rule of American etiquette is to not draw attention to oneself in public. Therein lies the exhilarating task of fabricating a look that fits snugly in between blandness and gaudiness (sloppiness and flamboyance exist outside of the fringes of public acceptability). But I’m not here to hold your hand through that task. In fact I decry the condescending instructional nature that defines American men’s fashion writing. Fashion is personal, and subjective. It’s not a science. You can figure out what looks inspire you, what flatters you, and what you can get away with by making your own observations. If you’re able to make it in a big city, you should be smart enough to handle putting together a nice outfit without Details giving you their Summer Essentials checklist or building your perfect wardrobe with GQ.

Considering this audience, however, I will offer a caveat against trying too hard to advertise one’s sexuality. I’m not talking about the fact that you are gay, I’m talking about the fact that you have an ass and dick. You cannot be taken seriously if people can see your nipples through your polo shirt. An outfit is supposed to present its own aesthetic cast. It’s not a proxy through which you can convey your naked body while technically staying within the confines of the law. And for a man, the harder he tries to convey his sexiness, the less sexy he becomes. Yes, we want to put together outfits that will get us laid, but we should still pretend that we don’t. It’s just another one of those dishonesties that we demand from each other in a polite society, so deal with it.

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Lez Casual

This post was submitted by Coach Varlas, who lives in Brightwood and has not gone to the new Target.

I've been at my office job for eight years, but can count on one hand the number of times I've put together a work outfit that felt both professional and true to my personal sense of style. As someone who's not really butch or femme, it's a little less clear what qualifies as business casual, and what looks like I'm vying to understudy Paula Poundstone (pictured). There's a dyke that works at the building across from mine who pretty much always looks like she's about to go on safari. This simply won't do. I don't want to spend a ton of money on power dyke drag, don't feel comfortable in dresses or skirts, and know that thrift store irony often just looks frumpy after eight hours in a cubicle.

I feel like dressing for work is this daily personal statement--about my gender, sexuality, and professional aspirations. So far, I feel like I'm saying I'm a little boy that likes girls and one day wants to be a cowboy. To figure out if other dykes also wrestled with work wardrobe, I asked some friends for their personal definitions of Lez Casual. Apparently, the sweater vest is the lesbian desk job equivalent to the little black dress. Read their responses / add yours below the fold.

Jenny: I think 40% of why I wanted to work from home was because of this dilemma.

Sench: Every time I wear a suit I look like a women's basketball coach. It's really annoying. I just look like a dyke in a suit. There's nothing getting around it. "Hustle in ladies! We're running the picket fence play! Watch number 32! Number 32!"

Jeanni: I dunno, I enjoy dykes in suits looking like dykes in suits and / or basketball coaches! Personally, I'm a fan of the sweater vest layered with an assortment of (preferably vintage) collared dude shirts. That's how I've learned to get through my day here at an office full of 'mos. (Can we also just have an option for dykes to wear nothing? That's always a winner!)

Stephanie: Once, I wore a sweater vest to work and when I got there I realized I would have felt less conspicuous amongst my middle schoolers if I had just wrapped myself in a rainbow unity flag. Still, I also stand by the sweater-vest. I've worn a button down/up(?) every single day of teaching except when we wear our school polos. I even have the most amazing Halloween teacher shirt. When my students talked about what culture means, fashion came up, and we talked about genders and fashion, to which one of my students noted, "Like you--you dress like a boy." [Class Reaction] "What? What? No offense! I was just sayin!" I think the real challenge is shoes. Pumps? I think I would look more natural in clown shoes. Flats? I would get less blisters if I held matches to my feet. Chucks? Unprofessional. Sensible sneakers? I guess so.

Polly: My biggest beef is that I like wearing ties, but feel a little strange if I wear them because it is so out of the ordinary. My dream outfit is navy blue slacks with a v neck gray sweater and a collared button-up underneath.

Shauna: I dress like a half-baked art teacher in 1974: goucho pants, giant necklaces, secretary blouses, ballet flats, subtle triangle post earring. But I recently had occasion to accompany Maegan on her first foray into the double-knit world of biz-caz, and the plight of the butchish professional womyn, it is dire. It was worse than when we went swimsuit shopping. It was like Cathy, but with 700 pairs of black boot cut pants and another lady couple bickering in the next stall down. I dunno how you andro girls manage. She just kept murmuring, "Dickies." We ended up spending $300 at the Gap again.

Maegan: My issue has always been is that it is hard to butch it up, even slightly, in women's work attire. You shop in the ladies dept. and you end up feeling awkward cuz you're wearing femme cut clothes that you would not have chosen were a paycheck not at stake. Or you venture into the men's dept., with high hopes, and end up looking ill-fitted. 'Cause you may be a little butch but you still got hips. Sigh. Anyway, I've found that wide leg trousers do the job nicely. They work with the hips and still look good. Also, I'm pretty adamant about there being no stretch (or as little as possible) in the pants. I like my pants to feel like real pants, you know what I'm saying? As for shirts-- it's a personal preference, but I like oxfords. And collared shirts in general (like polos). French cuffs are nice for the oxfords. Then you can layer and pair the oxfords / polos with a v-neck sweater or sweater vest. For jackets I've got a brown corduroy that I like, and a black linen affair if it has to be fancier. Shoes are always my sticking point. I hate, with a fiery passion, those bulky black numbers most people wear. I'd rather experiment with sedate slip-ons or a pair of boat shoes. Women can get away with more than men. Basically, if I have to dress up my usual jeans-and-a-hoodie self, I just pretend that I'm a dapper British fellow.

Vicki: I stopped working in settings where biz caz was expected more than five years ago, and this dilemma was totally part of the reason why I chose to tune in and drop out. Seriously, shoulder pads? Why do women's suits STILL have shoulder pads?! Check out the first thing that Google brings up when you do an image search for "women's business casual"! Ah, the flair white pant suit with shoulder pads on the right. And the bowed-baby-doll thing second from the left. And these looks are very edgy, considering. WTF?

Cara: I waitressed in a penguin suit for a few summers, but I've never worked in an office. I wear jeans and t-shirts when I teach or when I work. I guess I'm lucky. When I'm working on a ladder, faculty and others look down on me as though I were a monkey. Same as for my wardrobe (which is conducive to the tech aspects of my job), but I think I'm seen as immature, unprofessional, and slovenly. Because I have a mini-mohawk, wear jeans, and have about 16 gallery keys I carry around. The important people never carry keys.

Suzanne: Well, since my new-found funemployment, I tend to wear pajamas, cut-off shorts and a tank with no bra or sometimes just underpants to work. No one seems to mind. Before that, I worked at a gay youth center, sooo, pretty much my work drag was jeans, shirt, and baseball cap. I tended to look like a middle school boy most of the time, and I loved it. I always, always, always dreaded days that I had meetings and had to dress like an adult. I always felt like nothing fit, my shoes didn't match, and was self-conscious about my hair, 'cause there is no real way to dress up a devil's lock. I always felt stupid. On those day, I longed to be wearing a homemade, moth eaten, stank ass t-shirt that said "fuck business casual" in big letters on the front. But I sucked it up and put on some slacks and the most flattering button down I could find. Summers got a little tricky too, especially for someone who can sweat through a mesh top in 20 seconds. Even though it felt totally weird to wear a skirt to work, I found myself pulling them out, if only to catch a breeze. This confused the fuck out of the lesbian young women at the center, who would persistently ask me, "What are you?! A Dom (butch) or a Femme? I need to know!!" To which I could only reply, depends on the heat index. But the boys were extra nice to me on those days because I looked "cunt-gay", boy slang for feminine--the supreme and ultimate compliment.

Marla: I have gone through so many phases with this. I am lately wearing various H&M shirts (or "tops"?) and then cotton non-jeans pants. I got a girlier pair of shoes recently for more dressy days, and to wear with my brown suit, on rare occasion. And I have one or two pairs of traditional lesbo loafers, of course. It's an ongoing struggle though. I still feel like I am embarrassed if I run into a friend on a day that I have to dress up at work. Working at a nonprofit, you really can't afford nice work clothes, let's be honest. So I try to find things on the cheap, at thrift and vintage shops, too. Here in San Francisco, that means Buffalo Exchange, Crossroads, and Painted Bird. I think with work clothes though, especially for carpet munchers, it's vital to splurge every so often to get something that will make you happy when you need to dress up. I've done that with shoes and a Banana Republic suit (!). The best "work shirts" are ones you can also wear out with your friends, but I don't think I've ever had work pants that I felt that way about. In summary, two words for you: sweater vest.


Gmail Bonus: This whole exchange took place over Gmail, and some of the relevant ads and links popping up to the right of this email conversation were: "Buy Girls Underwear Online," "Girls Wear Thongs!," "Need an Image Consultant?," and "Kentucky Derby Fashion." Perhaps within these clues lies the solution to the age-old riddle of dyke dress-wear.

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Time to Get My Hair Did

Many gays have a special talent when it comes to hair; in fact, going into a gay event – boy or girl – is generally like walking into a waiting lounge for a Short Cuts magazine shoot, minus the 80s eyeshadow and tall shoulder pads. Your eyes lay witness to a whole range of short dos – the swoop, the buzz, the faux-hawk, the asymmetrical emo cut, and even the mullet. I, myself, have had a range of gay-dos; I’ve sported everything from dreadlocks, to fancy designs shaved into the side of my head, all the way to my personal favorite – the mullet.

I think that hair can be pretty telling of sexuality, particularly for the lady gays, but really for both sexes. In fact, hair is usually one of the first things I analyze when trying to decide if a girl is homo or hetero. First her sneakers; then, her hair. (This survey technique is definitely biased against femmes, but its success rate is pretty high, and I’m pretty sure it is how the world secretly knows that Missy Elliott prefers the ladies.)

Once when I was in the lezbo-womyn town of Northampton, someone once told me that the fem-mullet originated as a type of identifier, like a way that old dykes could spot each other when the styles of the late-80s and early-90s had reached a low point and all women, not just the dykes, were wearing unflatteringly long-zippered pants, baggy and awkwardly fitting shirts, and weather resistant shoes. Basically, the point was to look for the mullet, then ask for the number.

This theory makes me wonder if many gays today don’t use their hair, whether consciously or subconsciously, as the same type of social cue. I know that before I became a working professional I surely did, and I can tell you – I definitely got cat-called a lot less back then. On the other hand, I think the motives can go the other way, too; being gay allows many of us to say, “Fuck the gender norms of hair styles, I’ve already gone and broken rule numero uno of the gender code, so I might as well shave a lightening bolt into the side of my head.” Given our lack of ties to gender norms, we go ahead and cut and chop our hair into whatever style we desire.

Anyway, all of these thoughts are a diversion from my real end-goal. I’m desperately in need of a hair cut and looking for a good DC place to get one. I don’t want a place that is going to give me a – I have to hold my breath as I even type the word – bob (gross!), nor do I want to have to explain step-by-step how to create a hairstyle that is anything but a bob. Basically, I want somewhere hip and open-minded - somewhere that won’t make me sign a release form when I ask them to give me a 21st century fashionista mullet. Any suggestions?

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What is a Hipster?

"Damn, those some tightass jeans! How do your legs breathe?

The above was yelled at me by two men in a stopped car when I biked past them in the, admittedly, tightest pair of pants I have ever owned. However, the men in question were driving a white sedan with ads for a locksmith company painted on the doors and were hardly in a position to judge. (They also chose to insult me at a red light and we spent the next 45 seconds in uncomfortable silence, glancing furtively at each other through the rolled-up passenger window, until the light changed. It was very uncomfortable.)

So what does the circumference of my trousers say about me as a person? It says absolutely nothing about me as a person. Or at least it shouldn't. But yet I get called a Gipster (gay hipster) all the time, usually because of such trivialities as the way my pants fit. The funny thing is, no one can really agree on what that entails. So really, folks, what is a hipster?

I've previously mentioned my complicated feelings for both skinny jeans and American Apparel, so you can imagine the kind of cognitive dissonance I experienced last month when I bought the former item from the latter retailer.Was I just buying into everyone's sartorial expectations of me? So yeah, I now own a pair of pants that is so tight that you can tell time on my wang. (Or guess my religion, or read my lips. Pick your joke.) But I feel like I'm just fueling the flames of an ill-understood insult. Gays and indie-kids are both known to wear unflatteringly tight pants, and the last thing I want to do is be unflattering.

I'm usually accused of being a hipster for all kinds of nonsensical reasons. Dressing up for a cocktail party in a way that the accuser found unconventional. Listening to certain bands, even if the entire world is familiar with their music. The way I carry my bike lock. My body type. To me, throwing around the word hipster is like a group of barflies calling each other alcoholics, or a bunch of guys at a bathhouse pointing fingers at who is the most oversexed. It's usually a way for mildly unconventional people to feel like they haven't taken their aesthetic overboard by picking out someone else who has.

Today, The Onion AV Club posted this response (third one down) to a reader's letter asking "What exactly is a hipster?" They say that the term derived from a series of labels for counterculture and has only turned pejorative in recent years, and frequently as an effect of internet message boards. I personally think it is a term that has lost all meaning due to overuse.

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Spring Clothing Swap Tomorrow!

So you've got a bunch of old clothes you don't want, but you're leery of those Planet Aid yellow boxes (because they're a big fat scam). What to do? Grab your duds and toddle on down to the Spring Clothing Swap, an event benefiting the The DC Trans Coalition.

When: Saturday from 12:30-3:30 p.m

Where: Pierce Hall in All Souls Church, 2835 16th St NW, a few blocks west of the Columbia Heights metro, on the edge of Adams Morgan.

Music by DJ K-La Rock, and door prizes from Sticky Fingers and Greater Goods.

$5!

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Nice Boys Don't Play Rock N' Roll

Suicidal Tendencies was a California hardcore punk band from the 1980s, well known for their tough guy image and violent shows. Alongside Vision Street Wear and Santa Cruz skateboards, the Suicidal Tendencies logo became a brand staple of 1980s street culture. Luckily for us, Fresh Jive has brought us their updated and gay version of the logo on a fly t shirt just in time for summer. This fashion statement is perfect for the Pope's visit to the new stadium, karaoke night at Remington's, or your high school reunion.

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