Time to Get My Hair Did

Many gays have a special talent when it comes to hair; in fact, going into a gay event – boy or girl – is generally like walking into a waiting lounge for a Short Cuts magazine shoot, minus the 80s eyeshadow and tall shoulder pads. Your eyes lay witness to a whole range of short dos – the swoop, the buzz, the faux-hawk, the asymmetrical emo cut, and even the mullet. I, myself, have had a range of gay-dos; I’ve sported everything from dreadlocks, to fancy designs shaved into the side of my head, all the way to my personal favorite – the mullet.

I think that hair can be pretty telling of sexuality, particularly for the lady gays, but really for both sexes. In fact, hair is usually one of the first things I analyze when trying to decide if a girl is homo or hetero. First her sneakers; then, her hair. (This survey technique is definitely biased against femmes, but its success rate is pretty high, and I’m pretty sure it is how the world secretly knows that Missy Elliott prefers the ladies.)

Once when I was in the lezbo-womyn town of Northampton, someone once told me that the fem-mullet originated as a type of identifier, like a way that old dykes could spot each other when the styles of the late-80s and early-90s had reached a low point and all women, not just the dykes, were wearing unflatteringly long-zippered pants, baggy and awkwardly fitting shirts, and weather resistant shoes. Basically, the point was to look for the mullet, then ask for the number.

This theory makes me wonder if many gays today don’t use their hair, whether consciously or subconsciously, as the same type of social cue. I know that before I became a working professional I surely did, and I can tell you – I definitely got cat-called a lot less back then. On the other hand, I think the motives can go the other way, too; being gay allows many of us to say, “Fuck the gender norms of hair styles, I’ve already gone and broken rule numero uno of the gender code, so I might as well shave a lightening bolt into the side of my head.” Given our lack of ties to gender norms, we go ahead and cut and chop our hair into whatever style we desire.

Anyway, all of these thoughts are a diversion from my real end-goal. I’m desperately in need of a hair cut and looking for a good DC place to get one. I don’t want a place that is going to give me a – I have to hold my breath as I even type the word – bob (gross!), nor do I want to have to explain step-by-step how to create a hairstyle that is anything but a bob. Basically, I want somewhere hip and open-minded - somewhere that won’t make me sign a release form when I ask them to give me a 21st century fashionista mullet. Any suggestions?

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The Morality of Same-Sex Love

This is Wayne State University philosophy professor John Corvino, who fequently debates representatives of the religious right before student audiences. Here is an 8-minute excerpt from his renowned lecture on the morality of same-sex love. His style is informative and entertaining, and when responding to homophobes, a preferable alternative to screaming.

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Party Pics: TNG VDay

Thanks again to everyone who came out for the TNG Valentine's Day / Anti-Valentine's Day Party at Solly's on Thursday night. It was hard to judge, but I would guess we had close to 100 people in attendance. But don't say that too loudly, as we don't know what what the fire-marshal-approved room capacity is. We'd hate our gracious host-venue to get in trouble. For those of you who couldn't make it, or those of you who did, we have some great pictures of party goers. And what a hot crowd!

Pics are available on two sites:

Web Gallery

Facebook Gallery

I saw some other cameras there, so if you have any other pictures of the event you'd like to share, please send them our way!

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DC Gay Black Men Speak

I found this video about a group of gay black men gathered to speak about their common experiences of being black and gay in America. Quickly I recognized Raymond Boney and Sheldon Scott, members of BlackGaySpeak, a local organization that self-describes as "a grass roots effort to promote the gathering, idea sharing between, information dissemination among, and enrichment of, gay black men, in safe spaces."

I've attended one of their events, a discussion of the word "Faggot" and a presentation of Sheldon Scott's one man show of the same name, and I was impressed by the organization and the event.

To learn more about them or get involved, visit their website at www.blackgayspeak.com.

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A Straight-Curious Take on Labels

I have a seriously conflicted take on labeling sexual orientation. I think for those who are 100 percent sure of what sex/es they prefer to have sex with, by all means, label away if you so choose. But many people fall somewhere in the middle — they are equally drawn to men and women, they prefer one but occasionally sleep with the other, or they sleep with one but don’t want to eliminate the other. I also know people who sleep exclusively with transgender people, both FTM and MTF, which might complicate labeling even further.

I think the problem occurs when others believe that some people are restricting their sexuality — for example, when a man sleeps with other men but calls himself straight, outraging some gay men. Or, when a woman who calls herself a lesbian sleeps with men, some lesbians don’t know what to do with that.


I consider myself a lesbian since I prefer to sleep with women. But when I don’t meet any that I’m interested in, I turn to men — it doesn’t get me off, but it’s fun, and it can tide me over until I find a cute girl. Plus I know I won’t get attached, which I can’t necessarily say for sleeping with random girls, so it makes more sense to me. So while everyone calls me bisexual, I resist the term since I’m not attracted to the men I sleep with. But if I sleep with men, I can’t very well call myself a lesbian, can I? I am currently going with “straight-curious,” since I am unfortunately finding it far easier to meet men these days than lesbians.

On the flip side, I have a lesbian friend who is now in a relationship with a man. She’s obviously attracted to him enough to date him, but she insists that she’s still a lesbian. If this is the case, then this relationship is doomed because she can’t admit that she likes men, and I can’t understand why she would waste her time. The same is true of girls who date other girls, but still insist that they’re straight.

So while I try to resist labels for myself, how can I insist that my friends conform to labels as well? My conclusion is that if we are sure about our sexuality and choose to label ourselves, go right ahead, but trying to impose labels on other people is divisive for the gay community, which faces enough problems without creating them for ourselves.

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