Dude, Where's the Keg?: Gay DC House Party Etiquette

With the temperature rising, and the probability of old scary looking men wearing tank tops on 17th street increasing, the number of house and patio parties will soon follow suit. These are important social events that consume quite a bit of conversation and gossip both leading up to and following them. In other words, they need to be taken very seriously. We here at TNG do not want you to flounder when attending these sacred events. Therefore, we have assembled some pointers on how to make the most of a gay DC house party.

The Evite
All gay DC house parties begin with an Evite, which is the invitation equivalent of a Wal-Mart or a Pizza Hut. This has always puzzled me. Gays will spend an obscene amount of money on jeans or (what they think is high end) art, but yet have no qualms about sending out tacky Evites to everyone in the city. The beauty of an Evite, however, is that you can see the guest list and mentally prepare for running into your ex's, enemies, frenemies, co-workers, and internet hook-ups. A key piece of information on the Evite is the number of guests invited. If it is 30 or less, you probably shouldn't roll up with eight of your somewhat close friends. Anything approaching 50 or more is fair game, and you can safely tell everyone on Facebook.

All Evites give you the option to reply yes, no, or maybe, and to add a message. Gays love the message option as it gives them the chance to show how witty they are. Expect deep prose such as "Wouldn't miss it! Hope you have enough vodka HA HA :) " or "Count me in, I love margaritas!!!" Those who can't attend usually indicate that they are doing something more fabulous, but will raise an obligatory toast to the occasion: "Sorry, Gary and I will be on a private island off the coast of Mexico, but we'll do a shot in your honor." Those who respond maybe are not coming to the party. These are the non-commital types who want to express that they would be there if it weren't for the other, more interesting and cooler party they are actually attending that night: "I have a birthday to attend, but will try to make it." Birthdays are common "maybe" excuses since anyone's birthday trumps a non-occasion party. I suggest you respond yes (or no), never respond maybe, and resist the urge to write a cutesy message. Also, don't artificially inflate the guest count by responding that you will be bringing 48 guests. There is always someone who will do that to be cute and funny, and that guy is usually an asshole.

Attire
Let's face it, DC is not a stylish city. Even at the "most fierce party" everyone will be wearing a tight-Ben-Sherman-Polo-ish-collared shirt. It is a safe assumption that every shade of the rainbow (pun intended) in cotton with a collar will be represented at any DC gay house party. In the summer this will be accompanied with khaki shorts and flip flops. In the fall/spring, the khaki shorts will give way to tight jeans, but the flip flops will remain. Gays love showing off their feet via flip flops. Their outfits and hair products will likely exceed 200 dollars, but standing around nearly barefoot is considered classy in these parts. I have never understood this. It is not until the chill of winter that the gays don shoes. In short, it doesn't take a whole lot of effort to look even remotely stylish. Avoid gold chains and jean shorts. Note: anyone wearing a baseball hat is a bottom.

Arrival Time
The rule of thumb is to be stylishly late. That rule is for (thumb) suckers. Arrive unfashionably early. Why? Alcohol. At the beginning of the party you have your pick of the litter. You can easily get in 2-3 rum and cokes before the cologne-drenched masses arrive. I don't understand why more folks don't appreciate the beauty of this simple concept: The early bird gets the worm. Once the party kicks in, the alcohol starts to disappear faster than a butch sounding voice at showtunes night at JRs. (Note to the hosts: it is usually the mixers and ice that run out first, leaving guests to stir up such magical creations as a rum and OJ, or rail-gin with a splash of water. Do everyone a favor and have an ample supply of soda, tonic, and juice.)

Another good thing about arriving early is that you get the lay of the land. Make a mental note of where the "extra" bathroom is, should there be one. You can avoid the pisser-line later on when the apple-tinis start to run their course. You might even be able to get a glimpse of where the back-up liquor is stored. This is key should the supplies start to run low.

Socializing
This is how gay DC works: everyone stands around with their friends and either ignores everyone else, or sneers at everyone else. Multiply this times 20 and you have a gay DC house party. Once someone in one group recognizes an acquaintance in another group, the two groups can open up, and introductions can be made. Until then, however, it is like a bad high school cafeteria. I don't have the solution to this, so I am just asking that you gay DC (collectively), please take the stick out of your ass and be polite and social when you are at a party. Also, please offer something more than your job on the Hill/campaign or your law school. If there is nothing else interesting about you, then please do the rest of us a favor and drink at home alone. Or better yet, move.

The Bathroom Line
If you weren't able to scope out that secret bathroom, you will be stuck in line waiting to pee. This is always time to make small talk with other attendees who you might not otherwise meet. For some reason, I tend to get stuck in line with (1) the only girl at the party who wants to shower with me with compliments; or (2) the creepiest kid who probably isn't 20 and has a belly-button ring. I have no real strategy for dealing with this other than to fake an important text message conversation or to pretend like you are too deaf to hear them.

Once inside the bathroom, remember that gay guys in DC are usually sickeningly wealthy and like to feel special by using an array of fancy toiletries. TNG does not endorse stealing. All I am saying is that at some point you will be alone in a bathroom with lots of expensive soap. Use your own judgment and morals.

The Music
It will suck. Don't tinker with the Ipod, however. It is just rude. Even if the host is your best friend and/or they are playing Whitney's "I Want to Dance with Somebody." Also, don't be friends with people who have Whitney's "I Want to Dance with Somebody" on their Ipod.

Drinking
Let's face it, you are there for tail. To get tail you must first drink. If you are like me, you tend to make one of two mistakes: (1) you drink too much, stare at the guy you like all night, don't talk to him, then go home to jerk off while thinking of him; or (2) you drink too much, approach the guy, and make an asshole out of yourself. Both of these errors result from drinking too much. I know I encouraged you to arrive early for the booze, but you need to master the art of pacing yourself so that you can get tail. Try to remind yourself, bunnies and puppies are cute; slackened facial musculature, slurred confessionals, and "I'm so drunk" are not.

Let me give you some pointers on pacing yourself. First, go the bathroom (preferably the secret one) every half hour or so, even if you don't have to use it. Take note of whether your ears are ringing, the toilet paper holder is unusually fascinating, or you're having a hard time handling soap. Second, count your drinks. It is pretty simple, but no one ever does this. If you get to a prime number over five you should probably stop. Lastly, watch the guy you are interested in. Make sure he is always one drink ahead of you. If you start to pass your tipping point, make sure that you are never talking louder, taking more, or wearing less clothing than he is.

Brunch
Relive all the memories and mishaps of last night with all your friends over eggs and bloody mary's. Yup, you are gay and you live in DC. Own it.

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Phase 1: Ladies Only for Good?

This post was submitted by Meaghan, who loves the Phase and karaoke.

I wrote a post a few weeks back about Phase 1 Lounge and why I love it with most every fiber of my being. There were supportive replies and, as per usual, some replies from [gay] men about their distaste for a bar that won't let them in the door "without a vagina". I find that whenever I express my love for the Phase in a crowd of DC queers, I'm met with the same questions and snarls. Michael, who has been great about offering suggestions and opinions about everything I've submitted to TNG, posed a similar question/argument this morning. It inspired me to go into a more lengthy explanation of the notorious Phase policy, and hopefully shed some light or open up some conversation about its history and place in the new gay DC.

"All Males must have a Female Escort"

The policy at Phase 1 is hotly contested, discussed, and argued but it's also historical. Phase has been open for 38 years and the policy was established to protect the patrons. The policy was similar to that which was created (the bars have the same owners, Allen Carroll and Chris Jenson) for Ziegfield's/Secrets. In fact, I was informed that the Ziegfield's/Secrets policy was more restrictive. Both bars were situated in a part of the city that was notoriously unsafe, and they were erected at times in history when there was no safe place for queer people.

The policy at Phase has lingered not only because of the owner who enforces it regularly but because of the clientele. Phase-goers expect a space that is tipped in favor of their sexual preference, and that is often not the case in many establishments (even ladies nights) across the city. Additionally, when the deck in stacked in favor of men...across the board, internationally...there is little to no reason why women shouldn't be able to make exclusive space, or space that is highly restricted in their favor. The policy is not "no men allowed" or "men pay more" or "men will be heckled relentlessly if they dare to come in". The policy is "if you look like an asshole, or a Marine from down the street, or insist that it is your God-given right to come into a lesbian bar, or screech about how it's discrimination" you probably won't get in. But if you stand at the door, with your female escort, and you are respectful, courteous and consistently aware that your presence is a privilege and not a right, then you'll get in. And this is pretty much exclusive to Friday and Saturday nights, when there are tons of people. If you come in on a Thursday or Sunday, you probably won't have to face the policy.

There is a lot of frustration on both ends about this policy, and there are constant discussions about the policy and how it affects the livelihood of the bar. But one must understand that the imbalance of sexism and heterosexism still exists and creating exclusive/restrictive space is a way in which marginalized people can feel safe when the "mean streets" continue to do little to nothing to protect them. Speaking as a self-identified queer dyke with a gay brother who frequented DC establishments before he moved to NYC, I will say that men in this city are notoriously disrespectful to lesbians/dykes and even transfolk. Back when Wet existed, women who walked into the bar were hissed and lunged at for invading "men space". Gay men still take it upon themselves to invade MY personal space when I'm out in "neutral" bars or even at private parties. While I realize that my experience is very limited, get a group of lesbians together who have frequented places in DC and you will hear a resounding cry of ENOUGH. We're sick of being judged, fondled, oogled, and disrespected. So instead of challenging the policy at Phase, I would think it would be more important to ask DC's gay men and their chromosomally-similar friends and neighbors to start acting like they deserve the privilege.

I realize that TNG is doing its part to change the face of gayness in DC, but I do feel it's responsible and reasonable to consider what has been. Being a cisgendered man comes with a significant amount of privilege, even if you're gay. And with privilege comes the responsibility to deconstruct what has been, including behaviors attributed to your community but not specifically to you, in order to repair it and create fantastic newness. There is not a point at which someone, especially men when it relates to women-space, decides things have changed and everyone must play along. Lesbians are still tender, still sore, still hurting from the crap we've been through over the years, so complaining about our safe space and how it makes you feel does little to nothing to inspire us to move on and move through.

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Polvo: A (lazy) Primer

Like every lazy 30-something who feels out of touch with the cool, I read the so hip its not hip but hipper than you music blog Pitchforkmedia to keep tabs with what the kids are listening to these days. Most of it is overhyped-mediocre bands from Japan or Brooklyn (or both?) who will make a local appearance at the Rock and Roll Hotel and then forgotten about six months from now. Scanning the posts and ads, I often start to daydream..."remember when we were the kids making the things that people cared about?...oh look, half-naked American Apparel models...Yo La Tengo is still around? ... what on earth is this grime/dubstep genre that gets its own monthly column?...." A few months back, this perusing-stream-of-consciousness came to a screeching halt when I read this gift from the heavens: Polvo reunion coming to American/Spain.

If I had to make a list of bands that I love yet never saw live, Polvo, who have been broken up for over a decade now, would rank near (if not at) the top of the list. And what is this I read? The reunion tour starts in Washington DC. Yes.


I was going to use the excuse of writing for this blog to try to contact Ash Bowie, the lead vocalist/guitarist, to interview him and geek out like a school girl reading Sassy. I was too lazy/intimidated to contact him, therefore you just get some random tidbits and musings from me. Sorry. Here goes:

The basics: Polvo was a four-piece out of Chapel Hill in the early 1990s known for having droney vocals and noisy riffs layered over repetitive bass lines and unique time signatures. They released two full albums on Merge and two full albums on Touch and Go before disbanding in 1998.

Homo-tendencies: To my knowledge none of them are gay.

DC connection: Ash Bowie briefly played in Helium, who are also close to the top of the list of bands I love that I never saw live. Helium was fronted by DC's own Mary Timony. Ash and Mary used to date. Not quite Thurston & Kim or Adrock & Kathleen, but definitely up there.

Key lyric: "I'm waiting for a postcard that you won't write, just hoping there's a chance that you might." from "Fast Canoe"

Song to put on a mixed tape: "Fractured (Like Chandeliers)" from the EP Celebrate the New Dark Age

On the reunion: Though I was lazy, Pitchfork wasn't. Ash: "Some of the old songs we're playing have been changed pretty radically, others not so much. Of course, we're still mostly dealing with old material right now, but we're approaching it as an opportunity to weed out some stuff that hasn't aged well, and to add some new ideas so that it's not a by-the-numbers recreation. The whole process has been a lot of fun, actually."

On getting tickets: As of today, the Black Cat website indicates that there are tickets available. Reunion shows for indie bands are always an unpredictable affairs. Polvo, though now considered innovative and a staple of 1990s indie rock, were not as well-known and accessible when they were actually together. In fact, they may not have been able to sell out the Black Cat in the 1990s. With the widespread popular culture obsession with independent music and all things edgy and hip, this could be packed with those who are there just to be there (i.e. what I call the Pitchfork effect). Its anyone's guess. I would order the will-call tickets online, just to be safe. They are $13, which is a steal.

What to wear: I am guessing the average age of the crowd for this will be 32, and therefore most should "know better." Guys' jeans should not be as tight as they would be for say Deerhunter. An understated graphic-t-shirt would suffice. Though, you could always be a trend setter and wear this. The girls that would swoon over Polvo in the 1990s likely wore vintage dresses and had skunk chunks in their hair. I think these same girls now work at non-profits and wear designer denim, with spaghetti strap tank-tops and maybe a lightweight sweater? The weather might play a factor here. Spring is iffy.

Where to stand: The closer to the stage the better. The intricacies of the songs will likely get lost if you are too close to the bar listening to some tool talk about the election or how he dated Mary Timony's roommate in college.

What to drink: Definitely Makers Mark on the rocks. If you must do Jack, do it with Ginger and not Coke. Beer is too predictable for this show. Resist the urge.

Polvo makes their triumphant return to the District on Friday, May 9th, at the Black Cat. 1811 14th St. NW Washington, DC 20009 Doors open at 9:00. The Oranges Band and Sir Arthur & His Royal Nights Open. $13

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What Are You Doing Saturday Night?

Looking for something to do? I will be the guest DJ at the Duplex Diner, cranking out a mix of bastard pop, rebel rhythms, and guilty pleasures a la ZZ-Top* *Jackson 5* *50 Cent* *Junior Boys* *GunsNfuckin'Roses* *Lil Kim* *JustinTimberlake* *Luscious Jackson* *2 Live Crew* from 9:30 until your mom needs the car back.
The Diner is switching beer distributors and to celebrate, Stella Artois, Hoegaarden, and Bud will be $3.00 all weekend long! Lets drink that shit up, get our freak on, and then make bad decisions.

Saturday, May 3rd.
No cover.
Duplex Diner (ranked one of the 50 best gay bars by Out Magazine)2004 18th St. NW
in Adams Morgan

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The Mirror Script's Steve Scarlata: The New Gay Interview

After a nearly a seven month hiatus, the Mirror Script returns to the stage at the Velvet Lounge this Saturday night with its brand of moody yet synchronized, guitar-laiden pop. In anticipation of the show, I sat down with lead guitarist and vocalist Steve Scarlata to talk about the change in their line-up, living in DC, and getting recognized at gay bars. Check it below the fold.

The New Gay Robert: So, Steve, this Saturday the Mirror Script returns after a brief hiatus. How long have you guys been taking a break?

Steve Scarlata: It's been 8 months. That's the longest stretch we've gone without playing since the band started.

TNG: The last time you guys were playing together, it was you and John on guitar and vocals, with Nat on drums. I remember you saying that John left the band. Why did he leave and what is the line-up looking like now?

SS: John left for a few reasons. He had gotten married and I think wanted to spend more time at home and start a family eventually but also because he was looking to start a career as a comic book artist and won a pretty prestigious international competition which will hopefully land him a contract. I think it got to the point where he enjoyed art more than music and wanted to devote more of his time to that.

TNG: When you last played, I was under the impression that was the end of the band. What made you and Nat decide to keep on going?

SS: We took a few months off before we played again and I don't think either of us were really sure what we would do. Both of us started side projects in the time off. Eventually I think we both just missed playing and started looking for a new bass player. We found Mark Loiacono and he seemed to fit in perfect and was into a lot of the same stuff so it just started working again. Mark is relatively new to DC from Brooklyn

TNG: A handful of your old songs featured John on vocals, will Mark be taking those over, will you be taking those over, or are you guys axing those songs altogether?

SS: At the moment we're not playing any of them. We haven't ruled it out and I'm sure Jon wouldn't mind. I think the bigger issue is that Jon had a very different range than both Mark and I, so it would be difficult to pull off. At the moment I think we're focusing on writing a lot of new stuff though but who knows.

TNG: When I first saw you guys, you reminded me of the more guitar heavy sides of Sebadoh. Over time you seemed to gravitate toward a more layered, moody, even introspective sound. Was that a conscious decision? How did that come about?

SS: Yes. I think the latter was the sound I had always been shooting for but maybe wasn't quite getting at first. There was a lot of energy in the beginning and I had to learn to be more subtle as a song writer and a guitar player. I think the moodier sound is much more indicative of my personality and my taste so I think I communicate it better when we perform or record. Also, I just got bored with playing in the previous style and needed to challenge myself a bit more and embrace a larger sonic possibility. I think it came about because I wanted the music to have an overall melodic sensibility with an underlying sense of weirdness to it and it took me a while to find the right tools and develop that.

TNG: That makes sense. I think most people who know you would say you have a calm, melodic exterior with a tinge of weirdness.

SS: I think that's a fair assessment.

TNG: How has the band changed with the addition of Mark? Has your playing and song writing style changed?

SS: Mark's style of playing is more subtle and more melodic so I think it brings out a lot of the intricacies of the music that might not have been coming through before. He has similar singing style too so we are doing a lot more in the way of vocal harmonies that we hadn't been doing before. I think him coming into the band allowed me to bring in some new musical ideas like playing in altered tunings and doing songs with two guitars. He's a great overall musician.

TNG: Switching gears a bit, you have been living in DC for seven years now?

SS: About six and a half years.

TNG: DC has changed quite a bit over the past few years. Obviously, the city has provided a backdrop to your life and to your music. How would you say that you have changed personally over the past six an a half years?

SS: It's been a very bumpy ride, especially the first few years. I was presented with a lot of challenges when I moved to DC that I think have made me a stronger person. Stronger, but maybe a little more paranoid too. Hopefully at the core I'm still the same person I was when I came here. I try to be myself through thick and thin. I've definitely had to force myself to be more adaptable though.

TNG: How so?

SS: DC is a much more ambitious place than I imagined and ambitious maybe in ways that are counter to who I am, so I had to learn to deal with that aspect of life here. That doesn't apply to everyone one of course but it does to a lot of people who you have to deal with from day to day. It seems more difficult for people to let their hair down to some extent.

TNG: Absolutely, I think that is a gripe that many of us have. Has that affected your approach to writing music, or even at a larger level, running a band?

SS: Yea, I think it forced me to find an alternative way to express myself which I think is the essence of punk rock. If you're not happy with the world around you change it; if you're not happy with the music you hear, make your own...etc. So being in an environment that was somewhat alienating I think pushed me towards finally starting a band and expressing myself in different ways. I think I have tried to express that in the music and in how we've conducted ourselves as a band. Essentially I've tried to turn a negative into a positive.

TNG: You mention being in an alienated environment. You and I have both on occasion talked about our frustration with the DC gay scene and how it can be very stifling, particularly to those who are creative and don't adhere to the typical Dupont mold. How has that shaped your perspective as an artist? Do you see that influencing your music in any way?

SS: One of the things I hope that we've achieved or proven as a band is that people, gays in particular, will come out and be supportive of something that mainstream opinion says they wouldn't. I hope that translates into a sense of empowerment for other people trying to do something creative whether it be art, music, acting, djing, etc. As far as influencing my music, I think it has caused me to embrace certain lyrical ideas or themes but I'm not sure that's a direct result. I've been a perpetual outsider my whole life, so that's more a lifetime's work than it is just a few years.

TNG: I have noticed a relatively large contingent of gay guys at Mirror Script shows. Obviously some are friends, but a number of them are there because they have heard that there is a gay guy in the band. I think it is great that they are at least checking something out that they might not otherwise.

SS: Surprisingly, I've been stopped a number of times on the street or in a bar and had someone tell me they've seen me play which was kind of weird but cool too.

TNG: So as a perpetual outsider, where do you draw your influences?

SS: I get a lot of influence thematically just by observing people and the eccentricity of human behavior. That's what keeps me intrigued. Artistically, I think I've always been drawn to people who themselves were on the fringe. I think that's where the most interesting ideas come from. People like Greg Sage or Syd Barrett spoke to me in a really profound way that others didn't. That's not to say that I exclude anything that isn't obscure or crazy.

TNG: Anyone that knows you can see that shine through in your music and your approach to music. So switching gears again, I asked you about the gay scene, but your main audience is really the DC underground music scene. What is it like to be playing in a city and at venues that have such a rich history in and influence on independent music and DIY culture?

SS: It's really awesome. Playing at Fort Reno last summer was a great experience knowing that we were taking part in the same tradition as bands like Fugazi or Bob Mould. Playing on the same stage as people you grew up idolizing is a very powerful thing. It's great that DC has institutions like Fort Reno, Dischord, and Inner Ear Studios that makes playing here all the more interesting. We owe a lot to the people who created those things and will hopefully keep it going. There's a lot of great people here too doing just that. I'm really lucky to know people like Katy Otto or Hugh McElroy.

TNG: Yeah, Katy and Hugh are both talented, and just all around great people. What are you listening to these days?

SS: I just bought the re-issue of Mission of Burma's record Versus which is pretty awesome.

TNG: Before we finish, you definitely have more of an introverted and quiet personality. I think it comes as a surprise when people when see you up on stage singing. Is there anything about Steve Scarlata that people don't know about you that you would like them to know?

SS: It's kind of shocking to me too that I've been able to get up on stage so nonchalantly. I feel like I become something else and that frees me from the fear. As for what I want everyone to know: I think people believe I'm very serious or cerebral, and I am, but deep down inside I'm also really silly. Also, I do smile from time to time, despite what people tell you.

Look for Steve Scarlata to smile a few times on Saturday night, April 26th, at the Velvet Lounge, 915 U St. Doors open at 9pm and the cover is $8. The Chance and Must Love Trash open.

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Phase 1: A Love Story

This post was submitted by Meaghan, a local blogger and big fan of Phase 1.

In the Fall of 2001, I was a few months into my first lesbian relationship, and while I was reticent to identify myself as a lesbian, I was certainly intriqued by the community of which I had recently been made a member. One night, my girlfriend and our friends decided it would be fun to head to a bar, dance, drink and get out of the suburbs for a while. The only bars I had the fortune of frequenting in the city previously were along Pennsylvania Ave, and filled to brim with annoying interns. We armed ourselves with our sexiest "on the town" outfits, MapQuest directions, and the fervent hope that we'd enjoy ourselves enough to stay awhile. I was filled with nervous, giddy excitement. I was going to a LESBIAN BAR. And not only was it a lesbian bar, but it was the oldest lesbian bar in the country.

I was going to Phase 1 .

Seven years later, I can say with complete sincerity and pride that Phase 1 is MY bar. And let me tell you why...

There is little to no written history about Phase, which frustrates the academic in me, but doesn't surprise me either. Over the years, there is little doubt that the Phase just kept on moving. The bar opened its doors in 1970, situated in the heart of what is commonly referred to as Barrack's Row, SE and just a stone's throw from Eastern Market. I can't imagine what 8th Street looked like back then. With the Marine barracks taking up the most significant chunk of real estate and the street being otherwise filled with what I can only assume were small, local stores, restaurants, and community offices, Phase 1 was probably a shocking addition. It was, however, a sister bar to an establishment that would go down (and if you've been keeping up with the news, reemerge like a phoenix from the ashes) in Gay DC infamy, Ziegfeld's & Secrets. Allen Carroll, and his partner Chris Jenson, managed to plant deep, vibrant roots in a region of the city that has only seen the limelight recently.

Phase 1 has grown into something incredible. You might be fooled by the exterior, which looks like wood panelling painted over and over again with a demure rust red color. The heavy, bolted, black door might even make you hesitate. The sweet stench of over 30 years of cigarette smoke as you enter the bar might cause you to wrinkle your nose, but I can imagine that if you just inch in a little bit more, there will be a smiling face to greet you and welcome you in. Phase 1 is a dive bar, always has been, always will be. It thrives not because of ingenuity and forthright thinking, but because everyone returns "home" at some point and everyone has planted roots of their own in this bar, in this town. For many years, it was the only place lesbians could go. And for many years after that, it was the preferred choice because gay men in this city (God love ya!) are notoriously territorial. So we forgive the bar for its shortcomings because it is something that belongs to our community.

Beyond the historical and community impact of this bar, I have to articulate how it has become MY bar, and why I love it so much. When I walked into the bar almost seven years ago, I literally felt like I was coming home. My friends could tell you that I still let a twinkle or a tear escape my eye when remembering this moment, because I finally accepted the fact that I was gay. Over the years, I've shared so much with the bar. My first slow dance, not counting sixth grade, was in this bar with a DJ who currently still spins on Wednesday nights. We probably retell that story everytime we see each other, and I can imagine us in our old age returning to the bar, embracing and laughing about the story in retrospect. I've come to the bar after failures and firings and found strength, empathy and compassion. I've also come to celebrate and found that people who visit Phase sincerely know how to enjoy life. And even over the course of the past few months, when I've been regaining my footing after a lengthy absence due to health issues, I've found old friends embracing me like I haven't left, my old sassy humor boiling back up, and a degree of realness and honesty for which I have yet to find an adequate comparison. All of this does not negate the very realness of queer drama and dysfunction that exists at Phase, but I have found this everywhere in my life. But the bar, in many ways, is very much like a family. They will tolerate your crap, deal with your slip ups, and love you all the same.

Dykes in this city complain with great regularity that there aren't great places to go for queer women and transfolk. I guffaw at this! There is, in fact, one great place where you can go. And if you go often enough and bust out of your shell once or twice (I recommend karaoke on Thursdays), you'll find that Phase 1 really IS the place to be. It's where everybody knows your name, it's where everyone is glad you came, and it has maintained this standard for over 30 years. Club nights, hipster bars, and outsourced events cannot and will not stand the test of time like my bar.

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F*** the Cowboys; Where have all the Lesbians Gone

This post was submitted by Allison who, like Stephanie, wants more out of DC's lesbian community.

This past weekend my travels led me to Chicago. There, I met more out lesbians in the airport terminal than in my 19 years living in D.C. I tripped on 5 more getting my luggage. "Lesbians! Everywhere!" I said doe-eyed eating pizza-flavored combos. These lesbians were not only in "gay" bars, but scattered throughout the city; even in places without the promise of a drag king show or a quirky singer/songwriter. Sure, there may be a 3% margin of error in this vague statistical study, but let's be real. Lesbians of the DC metro area: get out of those beds! Trim those faux hawks! Cut out a rainbow from your old Lisa Frank stationary! There should be plentiful pussy in the Maryland, Virginia, DC areas.

Every gay male event in DC is packed to the brim with gay men. I can't even say "vodka cranberry" before someone's balls are in my mouth (not complaining). Lesbian Events in D.C. (besides Pride and the L Word Premier) do not compare. Last week, my friend Stephanie and I went to Be Bar for their new weekly lesbian event. At first, the event was substantially full, but the crowd thinned out rather quickly. True, it was a Wednesday evening. However weekend lesbian events in D.C. do not differ.

The following weekend some friends and I went to DuPont Circle. Bars were packed, and we all danced in our 'apple bottom jeans, and boots with the fur.' Everything was great until my girlfriend kissed me. Immediately after, 4 or 5 men asked us to kiss again and physically pushed us. Other girls looked us up and down as if we were making a scene. It was the "could you do that somewhere else?" look. After ONE kiss. True, this bar had a high douche bag ratio, but it's not like I was giving her a motorboat (note to self: must perform motorboat in public).

I'm tired of having to choose: "do I have a 'gay' night tonight or a 'straight' night." Why do there have to be such large extremes? A not-so-well-attended lesbian event vs. a hyper-heterosexual fraternity party. WHERE HAVE ALL THE LESBIANS GONE? If we attended these lesbian events at Be Bar, Town, Taboo, DC 9, there might be more!

Maybe I just answered my own question: Why would gay women want to be around douche bags like those described above? Is this why we are hibernating at home watching "But I'm a Cheerleader?" My girlfriend suggested that many lesbians may not "like" lesbian culture. Or maybe it's just the "D.C." lesbian scene? Maybe it's that women have more powerful jobs and don't identify with stereotypical "lesbian" interests. Does that mean they can't come out to play?

It better not be the "I have a girlfriend and want to stay home" syndrome. That's for sure.

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Visit Your Local Black Gay Bar

A couple weeks ago my friend Eric mentioned he wanted to visit black gay bars. Most of my friends know I spent considerable time in black and hispanic gay bars when I first arrived in DC, as I felt more comfortable there prior to my DC cultural assimilation. Coming from south Louisiana, the music, energy, and people of these clubs matched my internal temperature. Unfortunately, I haven’t met many other gay white men who feel the same way.

I played house with a guy for a few years and stopped going to clubs entirely, and never returned to these clubs after reclaiming my singlehood. Many friends voiced interest in accompanying me to Bachelor's Mill or Delta Elite, but no one ever followed through. I didn't want to go a Northeast bar solo, so I didn't go. I figured this latest request would meet the same fate, but happily I was wrong, as my friends took hold of the idea with curious wonder, if not an understandable amount of apprehension that accompanies a departure from your comfort zone.

The evening finally arrived and my party was late for departure, so when the clock struck 11:15 I figured the worst. I called my friends and asked if they would rather check out BeBar, where two from our party had already defected--not so secretly unwilling to risk an unfamiliar adventure. Eric told me he couldn't mentally or physically handle another Saturday night at BeBar, so we set out with two friends to Bachelor's Mill in Southeast, and then Delta Elite in Northeast.

Black gay clubs are probably different from what you are accustomed to if you are a caucasian gay male. Here are a few things you will probably notice:

1) You may see transgendered people or effeminate men at these clubs, but you are more likely to find men who project a masculine image. It's a cultural thing I don't feel prepared to discuss. Maybe one of you want to take a crack at it.
2) Men in these clubs are typically not as affectionate with one another as I've witnessed in predominantly white gay clubs. I've never seen anyone openly derided for affection, but affection always seems proportionally less fequent than stoicism.
3) Sexually, men in these clubs probably don't want anything to do with your white ass. Not all, of course, but it's easy for a white guy to feel like that straight girl at Cobalt. Don’t take it personally.
4) The drinks are STIFF. We’re talking the equivalent of 3 to 1 as measured against the trinity (Town/Cobalt/Apex) yet they cost the same. Almost undrinkable, but they do get you fucked up.
5) Cover is steep. Bachelor’s Mill is $10 on a Saturday night, Delta Elite is $15.
6) There are many black people there. If you are not accustomed to being the only white person in the club, relax. Consider it a good opportunity to understand how they might feel.

Here are the particulars of each club:
Bachelor’s Mill (website)
-Bachelor's Mill is easy to access by metro. I recommend taking the blue line to Eastern Market (as you would go to Remingtons), then walking straight down 8th street past the restaurants and shops, and passing under the bridge. The club is located one block past the bridge, near the marine barracks. You can also get there by walking 5 blocks from Navy Yard.
-You will be scanned for weapons upon entering the club. Don't let this intimidate you. People are friendly, and in over a dozen visits I've never had a problem with anyone.
-The music is well above average. On the main dance floor Friday is non-stop disco and Saturday you can hear (earlier in the evening) soulful remixes of songs from the likes of Marvin Gaye or Angie Stone, with house music taking over after midnight. The smaller dance floor plays hip-hop. Upstairs, the mill has a huge (and much quieter) carpeted lounge the size of BeBar, with ample seating and pool tables.

Delta Elite (Website)
-Delta Elite is also metro accessible, with a metro no more than two blocks from the club, which resides in a strip mall complex. However, I’ve never taken the metro because Delta doesn’t close until 5am. These days it doesn’t get hopping until 2:30-3:00 AM, so the metro isn’t much use. Me and the guys got there an hour too early, so we ended up hanging out at the take-out next door and wolfed down half a fried chicken and a pizza. We had a party right there in the take-out, and it was awesome. It’s also tough to catch a cab in the neighborhood, so either call one or use a car. Considering the strong pours from behind the bar, a designated driver is recommended.
-Why bother with the late start, the difficult directions, and the tranport logistics? The best music in town. Period. I don’t really care for house music, but the upstairs DJ never dissapoints. We didn’t get to dance upstairs while we were there (we were in the basement, where they play hip-hop in a room with a ceiling low enough for a tall man to touch with his palms), but I hear from several sources that the music is still consistently amazing.

We all had one of the best nights of the year thus far, and all want to go back. However, I should mention that the friends who accompanied me were half-Fillipino, Persian, and Chinese-Jamaican, respectively. The two people who bailed on us because they lost their nerve, were white. Fear of a black gay planet? I assure you it isn’t necessary. If you can shelve your fear (from whatever root it has grown), you can have a great time among DC’s vibrant African-American gay community.

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Friday: Cut Copy CD Release Party @ Town

Ask and ye shall receive! Just yesterday, I posted a lament about BeBar, a more alternative D.C. gay space, turning itself into another example of the same-old. But this Friday, a stellar example of the same-old is actually hosting something alternative. Much-debated new dance club Town is holding a release party for shimmery Australian dance band Cut Copy's new album, In Ghost Colours, this Friday, April 11, starting at 9. It will also feature a set from DJ Ca$$idy, who used to spin the early days of Taint. It's unfortunately timed to coincide with the Hot Chip concert, but who says the night has to end at 9:30?

Town's Friday night "Downtown" party advertises itself as "something different for DC." This could actually be a good start.

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Be:Barf

Et Tu, BeBar? When I first moved to D.C., I had limited gay bar experience and most of it was bad. I found myself talking to a lot of rude guys at oddly-decorated spaces filled by music that felt like screws in my head. However, BeBar was a pleasant exception. Though its decor suggests the year 2040 as imagined by an 8 year-old, the people there were nice, the owners were friendly, and the music never eclipsed one's ability to have a conversation.

Though I haven't been to many gay bars in the last six months or so (producing this site reminded me that I don't need to,) I thought it would be fun to go back to BeBar on Saturday and have fun like I used to. But what happened to the fun? The theme of the night was Be:Bad, which once again lived up to its name. An early inception last June provided a nice way to dance around to The Cars and Basement Jaxx while meeting new people, but my experience there on Saturday was nothing short of a full-scale sensual assault on par with dropping acid at a roller rink.

Be:Bad is a sort of fetish party, and I understand that earlier in the night there was a drag performance, appearances by pornstars, and maybe some on-stage, semi-clothed simulated sex. When I got there, though, there were only a couple guys walking around shirtless or in harnesses trying to engage with the 40 or so customers remaining at the bar. The ooncha-ooncha music made conversation next to impossible, and the lighting made me feel like I was trapped in Picasso's blue period.

I understand that Town is providing competition to many of D.C.'s other gay bars, but I don't think the way to counter that is to clone it. BeBar once drew a crowd because it was providing people with something that wasn't there — a gay bar experience that, for better or worse, was unlike any other in D.C. Now, its just a paltry imitation of the kind of gay bar that gives gay bars a bad name. In October I had the dubious pleasure of going to a high-octane gay bar in New York called G Lounge (as in "Gee, these men are wearing a lot of cologne") and was relieved that DC didn't have such a scene. So what makes people think we need that now?

Last April, I had the best gay bar experience of my life at BeBar's "Be:Abba" night. Wall-to-wall cute guys packed the space, dancing to the greatest hits of Abba. Not pointless dance remixes of Abba, not "Does Your Mother Know" with an unrecognizable 10 minute intro, but the actual songs. Everyone at the bar was having fun, and I was sad to leave by the night's end. Two months later I went back for a second Be:Abba and it was changed completely. There was a name DJ, stupid dance remixes and no one was there. I understand that Bebar's new Wednesday lesbian night drew a great crowd. Maybe if they keep doing something new, instead of the same old, a customer base will follow.

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Monday: Taint Patrick's Day

(Image from the Taint Website.)

Skipping their usual Sunday night tradition, the crew over at Taint are throwing a St. Patrick's Day party on Monday, March 17. According to emails we've been receiving, we'll be hearing "the perfect indie/electro brew for throwing a few back" supplied by DJ Shame Rock. Googling "DJ Shame Rock" only brings up the DC9 website, so we can't tell you anything else about this person or what to expect. (Oh, I get it. Shame Rock, Shamrock. Har har.) Also DJing is Shea Van Horn who, leaving his alter ego at home, will be spinning electro and pop rock from 8 PM to 10:30 PM. Sadly, Tuesday is not a holiday. So get there early and enjoy yourself before you have to go home and catch some Zzzs.

Taint Patrick's Day, DC9 1940 9TH ST., NW @ U, Doors at 8PM, 21+

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Nightlife Question

A good friend of mine just sent me the following question. Seeing as how I didn't know the answer, I figured I'd open it up to the TNG community:

I have good friends, a couple, visiting from Israel (one just had F2M surgery here) who are looking for a fun night out Fri or Sat (3/14 and 3/15). They are not too into dancing, but would prefer something more homey and social. They said F2Ms are not very welcome in lesbian bars/clubs in Israel. Is that the case here in DC? They usually go to queer nights out that are more inclusive. I'd like to show them a good time while they're here! Any suggestions?

So, what do I tell her? Do I send her friends (a woman and FTM couple) to Cobalt? Phase 1? Blowoff? Fab Friday? Remmingtons? Or maybe Right Round at the Black Cat? What are your thoughts?

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Tuesday: DC Furies Arm-wrestling Tournament

Tuesday, March 4th, women's rugby team The Washington D.C. Furies will be hosting an arm wrestling tournament/ FUNdraiser at The Palace of Wonders. There are some cool attractions here, like $2 shooters and a pretty cool 6-8 happy hour, but come on people- this is organized arm wrestling! When do you ever get to do that? The organizers had this to say about it:

I know it is a school night but I know I've always wanted to go to Palace of Wonders but never had a really good reason. This is a good reason! There will be all sorts of people (and body types) competing so don't feel intimidated cuz there will be rugby chicks competing- all teams will be welcome and respected. Plus I know for a fact that some of you pump iron regularly! The DC Roller Girls have had arm-wrestling tournaments there before and the Palace of Wonders referee/emcee Erin the Eliminator is supposedly a hoot.

...but my visceral excitement about the prospect of refereed arm wrestling left me unable to really focus on reading. Teams will consist of 4-6 competitors of the same gender, there is a $10 entry fee and prizes for the winner.

Doors open at 6, Tournament starts at 9. Palace of Wonders is located at 1210 H St., NE. I assume you should get there a little early for registration.

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Tonight: No Scrubs @ Black Cat

If we're far enough past the '90s to have a VH1 series about them, then I guess its also been enough time for their to be a full-out '90s dance party. In fact, its happening at the Black Cat back stage tonight."No Scrubs: 90's Dance Party" will be deejayed by Blisspop's Will Eastman and its proceeds go to Project Create, a program which provides after-school arts programs for at-risk youth. I'm not sure if I'm ready to dance to Alanis Morrisette or Spice Girls yet, but I would trade in both of my slap bracelets to hear "You Get What You Give. "


Black Cat back stage (1811 14th Street) 9:30 - 2:00. All Ages. $7

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HALO: Chic Lounge or Racist Hotbed?

I'm reposting this blog from Sept.07 because a couple of readers recently commented on the open thread about the racial divide at HALO. Please keep in mind that this is a post from LAST YEAR.

I heard some interesting gossip lately about HALO, the WASP (and those who love them) gay bar on P street. A trusted source told me the owner made comments to the staff there that the bar was becoming "too dark", which caused some disturbance among the employees. Having heard about this, a large group of African-Americans walked in recently, "had a great time, and left without buying a single thing"--an act of protest that was definitely noticed.

Curious, I inquired about the matter with a friend who works at HALO. He told me that the issues seems to be that 1) the black clientele are not dressed in a manner that the management deems appropriate for the venue (tank tops, pants that reveal too much ass crack, etc.) and 2) that the bartenders are annoyed that their black patrons don't tip for the services rendered. To HALO's credit I have not heard anything about overt racism other than the owner's comment, but for many, that doesn't remove the cloud that is now fixed over this business.

Is this just a matter of dollars? As a former waiter, I know how bad tippers don't pay the bills. I also know that every socio-cultural group wants to be around others like themselves. From a business standpoint, if the WASP crowd that purchases the majority of your high-end specialty cocktails turns away from your establishment because they don't see themselves reflected in the crowd, you stand to lose a lot of money. I've personally walked into HALO, spent 10 minutes around waspy pricks talking about status symbols and real estate, and promptly walked the fuck out. Does that make me a classist, or just someone who doesn't want to hang around pricks? If those same pricks don't want to hang around black people, does that make them racist, or just people who don't want to hang around people who don't share their prick interests? Maybe it depends on your definition of racism.

It's been noticed for some time that a racial divide was growing at HALO, with black patrons predominantly gathering at the downstairs bar while white patrons flocked to the upstairs bar. It's difficult to report much about the situation being that I don't usually hang out at HALO and I'm relying on only two opinions (goods ones, but two nonetheless). Race relations in the gay community are too often glossed over, so if anyone out there has anything to add, let's see those comment boards light up. I would particulary like to hear about the experiences that African-Americans have had when visiting HALO, or other area gay bars.

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Ask A Straight Girl: Hej Hej's Natalya Minkovsky

Hej Hej happens tonight at Cafe St. Ex, 1847 14th St., NW, at 10 p.m. Its really fun.

Scandanavian music is everywhere these days. Though frequently associated with awesome "matter of taste" bands like Abba or Roxette, legitimate popsters like Annie, Jens Lekman, and The Raveonettes (among countless others) are once again making it cool to be pale.

The best place to hear tunes from Sweden, Finland, Norway, Iceland and Denmark is at Hej Hej, St. Ex's monthly Scandanavian music night. Run for the last 13 months by DJs Natalya (pictured) and Melissa, Hej Hej (Pronounced Hey Hey, of course) combines the aforementioned music with CD (and food) giveaways and deals on Viking Beer with the extreme good nature of DJ Natalya, who has kindly offered to answer this homo's questions on straight culture.

Full interview below the fold.


1. When did you first realize you were straight?

I remember having a crush on a boy in the sixth grade, but my mom likes to tell a story about how I used to bat my eyelashes at a nerdy grad student when I was about 3 or 4. We lived in the same apartment building. From what I hear, he wore horn-rimmed glasses and I flirted whenever we were in the elevator together. Apparently my type hasn't changed in more than 20 years.

2. What is your least favorite stereotype about straight people?

I felt very entitled and part-of-the-majority when I looked at this question and thought "what ARE some stereotypes about straight people?"

3. What are the biggest challenges faced by a straight girl in DC?

Other than all of the cute, nice, clever guys being gay? [Ed. Note: Awwww.]

4. Do you agree that 18th street is for straight people what 17th is for gays? How have you found suitable alternatives?

That sounds about right... I just go wherever the good music takes me. I've met some of my best friends in DC by going to all of the same shows and DJ nights.

5. What obligations, if any, do you think you have to the gay community?

To play good music. But getting serious for a minute, I grew up as a minority under the Soviet regime, so it's really important to me to support the civil rights of the gay community and other minority groups now that I live in a country where those rights are theoretically possible.

6. Why do you think Swedish pop is so popular all of a sudden? What is your favorite swedish band right now?

I think that people who are really into music tend to get into something (a band, a sound, a scene) and then start digging for more like it. And once you've listened to a few bands from Sweden and start looking for more, you'll find great new bands every time you look. There are just so many great bands concentrated into one country, from the major labels to the tiny indies. It's easy to get obsessive about it.

As far as my current favorites, it's so hard to pick just one! I'll give you a few, some obvious and some less so: Lykke Li, Marit Bergman, Robyn, Jens Lekman, Stars In Coma, Firefox AK, Taken by Trees, The Hives. And of course The LK, who are playing at House of Sweden on March 8. I'm really excited to see them again.

7. I've seen a white VW bug around Dupont with the license plate Hej Hej. Is that yours? If not, thats a hell of a coincidence.

Really?? It's not mine. I haven't even seen it, but obviously now I have to look out for it.

8. Why should people come out to Hej Hej tonight?

Because we play really good music without taking things too seriously. Sometimes we wear Viking helmets and give away Swedish fish and ginger cookies.

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